Through the Viewing Screen

"You wanna be somebody? You wanna go somewhere..."

suc·cess  (sk-ss)

n.

1. The achievement of something desired, planned, or attempted: attributed their success in business to hard work.

2.

a. The gaining of fame or prosperity: an artist spoiled by success.

b. The extent of such gain.

3. One that is successful: The plan was a success.

4. Obsolete A result or an outcome.

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[Latin successus, from past participle of succdere, to succeed; see succeed.]

I thought I could be successful. I really did. I'm doubting that I still do, but I'll come back to that later though. All I've really done is wear myself out. 

My schedule:

5:45 AM - Wake-up

6:00 AM - PT class (think of mandatory gym class on crack)

7:40 AM - Get home to take Amy to her 8:00 class

8:00 AM - Take Logan to daycare

8:30 AM - dress, shower, eat breakfast, etc.

9:00 AM-3:30 PM - school

3:45 PM - Pick Amy up from school, Logan from daycare

4:00-6:00 PM - Catch up on the news, check email, bills and such, make phone calls, play/take care of Logan

6:00 PM - Prepare and eat dinner

7:00 PM - Clean, get Logan ready for bed

8:00 PM - Put Logan to bed, Start homework

11:00 PM - Finish homework, listen to chapter of audiobook with Amy

11:30-12:30 Go to bed

I'm getting really tired and it's not paying off. The idea behind going to PT is that I'm supposed to be a contracted ROTC cadet, making $1900 a month, plus bonuses. I really feel like they're leading me on though. I started working on this whole ROTC thing almost 2 years ago. January I was told that I needed more credits to contract. So I got more credits, I got way more credits than they said I needed. So I was supposed to contract mid-Auguest. Well, that got delayed to the beginning of September, last Tuesday in fact. So I went in, and found that I had to redo my paperwork, not because of any mistakes, but because I've been waiting so long the paperwork I did is obsolete. Not expired, obsolete. As in the Army has actually updated the paperwork required since I've been waiting. After redoing all of my paperwork they tell me that I'll have to wait until the spring to contract me, because there is an ROTC course that is only offered in the spring that is required to be taken senior year. Well I'm supposed to graduate in the fall! Not this fall, fall of '11. So they want me to do an extra semester of school, for one class? To meet their stupid requirement that they refuse to offer in the fall? They won't contract me now because ROTC is supposed to be done in exactly 3 fall-spring school years.

So I'm feeling kind of down. I was kind of relying on that extra $1900 a month to get me through college with a little bit of comfort. As in, not living in a run-down trailer. As in maybe getting a cell-phone. As in getting my truck fixed so that I didn't have to run-around all day dropping people off and picking them up. Just that little thing right there would give me so much more time in the day. At least an extra hour. 

So I'm feeling un-successful. As in all my work is is for no-thing. 

So it turns out that UM does not offer a summer study abroad to Japan, which is unfortunate.
The best recommendation they could make was to participate in an intensive summer program from an institute such as UW or Middleberry.
Another idea I'm kicking around is hiring an accredited Japanese tutor during the summer.

Today on the way to school I was finally convinced by a radio ad not to vote for Obama. Who convinced me you ask? Why, Obama of course. The commercial was a deep-voiced guy like that one guy you always hear announcing movies (who actually died over the weekend, rest in peace), " When asked how many houses he had," deep-voiced guy explained, "McCain said, 'You'll need to refer to my staff about that.' "
Deep-voiced guy went on to explain that this disqualifies him from relating to the middle class, and implied that he was evil.
The problems with this:
1. First off the good ol' donkey just insulted the voters of the state of Arizona. There are quite a few middle class citizens in Arizona, and stating that the senator they elected cannot relate to them, is either accusing them of stupidity or stating that their votes don't matter. Can't see them winning Arizona after this one.
2. I thought that Obama believed in change we can believe in. I have been led to believe that Obama is "a different kind of politician", that he's above mudslinging at other candidates. The funny thing is that while Obama is running a smear campaign against McCain, I have not heard a single smear directed at Obama by McCain.
3. Their smear campaign sucks. Seriously? Their greatest accusation of McCain's inadequcey to lead, is that he owns several houses? If they're going to sling mud, I want to hear about McCain eating babies. Many people of his age own several houses, their conclusion that he cannot relate to the middle class because he owns several houses is absurd. Many middle class people own serveral houses. Real estate used to be a good investment. Maybe he took out mortgages for his kids, or maybe he's trying to stimulate the economy by buying forclosed houses. I admit that last one is little bit farfetched considering that as a senator he has better opportunities to stimulate the economy. Honestly though. The fact that he owns serveral houses is reassuring to me as a voter, because it demonstrates that he is successful in his business life.
4. Obama has a Harvard law degree. That does not exactly make him middle class. His efforts to "fit in" with the middle class by working jobs beneath his qualifications strikes me as manipulative. Middle class people are trying to succeed. He threw success out the window so that he can look like one of them. How could he possibly relate to the middle class with that kind of attitude? This strikes me as bordering on dishonesty.

These conclusions do not necessarily mean that I will vote for McCain, but I am definately not voting for Obama.

In Japanese the word for PM is gogo. I have absolutely no proof to indicate that the go-go in go-go dancer came from this Japanese word, but it is nevertheless a delightful coincidence if nothing else.

Right now I am majoring in International Business/Management with an emphasis in Japan. I am entertaining the idea of applying for a summer study abroad. Here are my concerns:

Negatives

• I'll have to leave Amy and Logan for possibly up to 2 months. This will make life very difficult for Amy, and probably Logan too. Ideally Amy will have a full-time job as a mechanic this summer, and could enroll Logan in daycare during the daytime. But such a job is hardly guaranteed. On a side-note if I don't go I will have to spend at least 3 weeks at my Guard Annual Training.
  
• While I am gone I will be earning no money, thus neglecting my position as father and spouse should Amy not be able to pick up the slack.
• Studying abroad is very expensive. Even if I do earn scholarships to cover airfare, cost of school, room and board, I will not necessarily have any money for enjoying the experience, unless I save up money the rest of the year, and thus decrease my family's standard of living.

• Even such a small amount of time in Japan would greatly improve my resume and enhance my credibility as an International Businessman.
• The time in Japan would excuse me from 16 credits, an entire semester worth of classes, and enable me to graduate earlier.
• I would gain firsthand familiarity with Japanese language and culture. Sounds simple but I am considering serving 3 years active duty in Japan when I commission as an officer. A brief trip/tour might help me make up my mind. Also the trip really would make me better at International Business.
  
• It would open up the opportunity to take advanced Japanese classes.

I shall now ask you to put aside any preconceptions regarding either the joys or troubles of parenting, especially those having to do with young parents.
There are those to whom a child represents a great financial burden. Those people should not be parents.
I've heard many people claim that they are not ready for children. If you are not already a parent you will never be ready to be a parent.
Financial concerns, getting up early, and dirty diapers are not the real challenges that I face as a parent. The real challenge is much more subtle than that. The real problem is cleaning. It is impossible to maintain a tidy home with a child, short of keeping the child confined at all times. While I am cleaning up the mess that Logan just made, he has already made two more.
My conclusion is that the only people who have an easy time of parenting are those who can afford a housekeeper. That is what is really meant when your parents look you in the eye and tell you that you are not ready for a kid. They aren't calling you immature, nor financially insecure. They are stating the simple fact that you don't have maid.

The real greyhound stations aren't quite what they'd seem. The people are ugly, and you move through a dream. And the people who're pretty all seem to deal drugs. Have a favorite addiction, know about life as a thug (or think they do, haha). If only through seeing, and not really living.

The rapper beside me, whom I was seen giving, a cigarette, had this to say, "One day, man, I'll be large."

Now consider. Abstract ambition won't typically do. But with passion and drive, to follow you through. Can you make your dream? Everyone on a bus is going some place. And even to the past, the future will pace.

I never seem to complete my ruminations.

La-La-land. So Grand.
Tomorrow’s sorrows remade bland.
The exquisite pain of the not-plain.
Asphyxiate worries in yellowish haze.

Who rides a yellow horse?
Lonely not-musketeer.
Plague of the cardinal.
I finally perceived her,
But when the dart flew I fainted.
And she glanced another way.

Nights in reverse, days played in 4x.
No sleep in La-La-Land,
Living no dream but in.
Existential exchange for surreal.
Who the hell made this deal?

Damn hustlas at it again.
Exploitation = $
By the law of g.i.g.o.
Explains everything really.