Through the Viewing Screen

[Latin successus, from past participle of succdere, to succeed; see succeed.]

I thought I could be successful. I really did. I'm doubting that I still do, but I'll come back to that later though. All I've really done is wear myself out. 

My schedule:

5:45 AM - Wake-up

6:00 AM - PT class (think of mandatory gym class on crack)

7:40 AM - Get home to take Amy to her 8:00 class

8:00 AM - Take Logan to daycare

8:30 AM - dress, shower, eat breakfast, etc.

9:00 AM-3:30 PM - school

3:45 PM - Pick Amy up from school, Logan from daycare

4:00-6:00 PM - Catch up on the news, check email, bills and such, make phone calls, play/take care of Logan

6:00 PM - Prepare and eat dinner

7:00 PM - Clean, get Logan ready for bed

8:00 PM - Put Logan to bed, Start homework

11:00 PM - Finish homework, listen to chapter of audiobook with Amy

11:30-12:30 Go to bed

I'm getting really tired and it's not paying off. The idea behind going to PT is that I'm supposed to be a contracted ROTC cadet, making $1900 a month, plus bonuses. I really feel like they're leading me on though. I started working on this whole ROTC thing almost 2 years ago. January I was told that I needed more credits to contract. So I got more credits, I got way more credits than they said I needed. So I was supposed to contract mid-Auguest. Well, that got delayed to the beginning of September, last Tuesday in fact. So I went in, and found that I had to redo my paperwork, not because of any mistakes, but because I've been waiting so long the paperwork I did is obsolete. Not expired, obsolete. As in the Army has actually updated the paperwork required since I've been waiting. After redoing all of my paperwork they tell me that I'll have to wait until the spring to contract me, because there is an ROTC course that is only offered in the spring that is required to be taken senior year. Well I'm supposed to graduate in the fall! Not this fall, fall of '11. So they want me to do an extra semester of school, for one class? To meet their stupid requirement that they refuse to offer in the fall? They won't contract me now because ROTC is supposed to be done in exactly 3 fall-spring school years.

So I'm feeling kind of down. I was kind of relying on that extra $1900 a month to get me through college with a little bit of comfort. As in, not living in a run-down trailer. As in maybe getting a cell-phone. As in getting my truck fixed so that I didn't have to run-around all day dropping people off and picking them up. Just that little thing right there would give me so much more time in the day. At least an extra hour. 

So I'm feeling un-successful. As in all my work is is for no-thing.